Getting Back on the Road

Pre 16 Gem in Muted Colours

Everyone has THAT moment; the one where all of a sudden, everything changes. And it’s not because something different was forced upon you; it’s because you’ve had enough of the same old shite that you want to make sure every second from that moment forward is lived to its absolute fullest. Some people have multiple moments like this throughout their lives. Some people are in their 50s before it appears. For me, it first happened when I was 16, and all because a friend forgot my birthday.
It was one of those moments where you have no idea why you’re so upset, because the trigger seems so unbelievably childish and meaningless. It takes a little while for you to realise that that’s not actually the reason you’re crying; it’s just the thing that set you off.



Back in crazy clothes!

Whilst I was at Primary School, I was known for being the loud, bubbly and rather insane ginger girl. Teachers and students alike loved me for it. At that age, being rather random and confident with it is what makes you popular. But we were all a little crazy at my Primary School anyway – I think it was an entry requirement. So you can imagine my shock when, upon entry to High School, I realised that being who I’d been for the last 11 years was not going to make me revered.

I was bullied. Incessantly. Never mind being an oddball and a bit of a personality, I was ginger, smart and wore glasses too. Your classic geek. I was far too enthusiastic for my own good, as far as the cool kids were concerned. If I got the answer right, I was a swot. If I got it wrong, I was an idiot. I couldn’t win. So eventually, without realising it, I stopped putting my hand up altogether. I stopped being loud. I stopped joining in. I slowly retreated into my shell, without even thinking about it.


In London for the Bar MOCK Trial

And for some reason, on my 16th Birthday, someone completely forgetting it made me realise what I’d done.

You may say I lost everything, but I still had my bedazzler. And I had a lot of patches, shiny ones from M and J trimmings, so I wreaked havoc on some old denim and I did what any girl would do. I did it all over again.

Lady Gaga – “Marry the Night” Video

 

Sometimes I wish my story was as dramatic as Lady Gaga’s. But then I guess it is:

When I look back on my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened; it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully the lie of it all it much more honest because I invented it. I’m gonna be a star. You know why? Because I’ve got nothing left to loose.

Random Gem Returns!

Lady Gaga – “Marry the Night” Video

Returning to the stage

I picked myself up. I ran for the Student Management Committee. I joined the Bar MOCK Trial team. I forced myself to put my hand up. I answered every question with a tongue-in-cheek joke with my teachers. I made the yearbook. I went to Warwick University. I joined the Street Dance Team. I got through some epic auditions. I choreographed the Street Dance Team. I produced dance events. I was President of the Street Dance Team. I became a Producer. I became an Artist. I fell in love. 3 times. I loved, lost, laughed till it hurt and cried till I fell about laughing with all the friends I gained along the way. And I’ve hit a million brick walls, but fulfilled a million dreams and every single time I hear those bullying words at the back of my mind, I will admit that a part of me listens to them for just a little while. But then I’ll have THAT moment again; whether it’s being cheated on, or finding out later that you were, finding yourself staring down at an alcoholic other half or having your line manager and friend take you for dinner just to tell you to stop worrying about it all. I’ve been handed notebooks full of messages from inspired students and peers and I’ve jumped around my house and through the streets of Manchester when I’ve landed dream jobs. Each time something clicks. I tell those voices to fuck of once more, grab a pen, some paper, my ipod, my dance shoes and shove my heart strings back into place. I get back on the road. And I keep going.

Working on the Manchester International
Festival's "Music Boxes"

And throughout various blog entries here, I’m going to tell you exactly how I did it. Join the conversation - #The378Blog or @FieryRockets on Twitter.

"The Moment When" Tech Rehearsals

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Now working for Pavilion Dance South West